21 January 2017 Entry: Quiet

Introverted. Asocial. Shy. Socially Anxious. Avoidant personality.

These are terms populating my mind after nearly two weeks of forced interactions with an array of my girlfriend’s friends in the Philippines. She told me in the United States that she’s “introverted” but, after seeing where she came from and the people she knows, I don’t believe that anymore.

For someone who calls herself “introverted”, she has plenty of social stamina. Me after the first few minutes meeting someone, I’m exhausted. That’s all for the day! For the week even! That’s how I feel.

If I wasn’t sure before, this trip has showed me the kind of person I really am. Or not. Remember those five terms I started off with? I think I’m all of them at once. Is that possible? That means I’m one complicated motherf*cker with multiple issues. I should probably see a psychiatrist or be on medication. I’ve gone 26 years hiding something I’ve always been afraid would make me look weak.

The more I spend time with these extroverts, the more I realize how much of an introvert I really am. Or how boring or irrelevant I am. I can’t fathom how people can always have something to talk about during a two-hour car ride. Oh wait, they’re good friends. And I’m not a part of it.

Am I the problem?

How can I change? I’d like to be liked by people (an aspect of APD), but being social is exhausting, and I’m not good at faking, in this case, being extroverted or social. How can I change a fixture of my personality? After reading opinions, there’s nothing wrong with being introverted however. Most of the time, I enjoy being alone. Being extroverted is what’s hot, but guess what? Not everyone is built like that. I’m not.

But if I do have social anxiety or a personality disorder, then I need to see a shrink.

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One thought on “21 January 2017 Entry: Quiet

  1. Getting help is always a good option. I even think people without issues should see a psychiatrist. It’s a great health check up. I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with you being those adjectives. Great post

    Liked by 1 person

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