It has been a few months since my last entry. Tonight’s post will be contrived. You see, five or six days ago, I created a list of good habits that I should be doing each day. I am almost 27 and I have never been consistent with any good habits that I should be doing. An app on my phone, of all things, seems to be doing the trick so far. I am relying on my phone – an obsolete Note 5 – to be my personal assistant. It will be a life-changer. Something I feel I am in dire need of.
I currently have 14 items on my list. It is 11 PM and I have checked off 13. The last item? To write for at least 15 minutes. So here I am. La la la la. Forcing myself; trying to get that last item checked off.
As I tweeted last week, I am considering quitting Yelp before ever reaching “elite” status. Now that I think of it, I would rather spend my time doing more important things, such as diving into my meal instead of taking stupid pictures of my food; or checking off the stuff on my habits list, rather than writing lengthy reviews about the texture of food. This decision was made after Yelp deemed one of my reviews – a review I put my soul into (unlike those three-sentence reviews), a review with some votes already – to be “not recommended”. Supposedly, an automatic system sifts through reviews, looking for spam, and it deemed mine as such. It reminded me of my current job: putting in the effort only to be ignored or fall short.
Speaking of my current job: I have peaked, maybe a while back. I have established friendly relationships with everyone, and I have proved myself to them. And I HATE it. I am good at what I do and I am depended on heavily… and it is taxing. Which leads me to make mistakes. I am good at what I do, and one bad day ruins it all. People will remember the one bad thing that happens.
I am a Certified Trainer at a restaurant, and I have not been training. And when I do, it is people who do not want to be trained. I have not been building the right experience, even though I am considering becoming a Health Inspector for the City of New York.
I was supposed to find another job after receiving my Bachelor’s Degree in English and Psychology. I told everyone that I would be leaving in May. It is September now. I felt like I needed a break during the summer before venturing off into the sunset. Now, it is the middle of the night, and I am starting to get lost. This feeling of dread in my stomach was not here last week.
But I know this feeling. It is a familiar feeling that is slowly building. It was there when I did nothing for a year and a half. It motivated me to go back to school. It was there when I did not have a job. It is my great motivator. Eventually, it will reach a point where I do the best I can to run away; to make a change. A point where I will be fed up with whatever “break” I wanted. This break probably stemmed from boredom, or comfort, or laziness, or a reluctance to move on, or a lack of confidence, or fear.
But break time is over. I should be in a different place a year from now.