Thought of the Day on 7/9/2018

Monday, July 9th, 2018

“The universe is a random environment. There is no such thing as karma. There is only human influence to tilt the balance of nature.”

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Lyrics: “Wonderland”

Saturday, July 7th, 2018

Verse 1

No one can understand

In my mind, things go unplanned

Like a god who has no command

My dreams become a wonderland

With you…

Instrumental

Verse 2

There’s nothing we can never do

Time stretches as if it were on a queue

There’s nothing I won’t do for love

The going gets tough, it’s push and shove

Bridge

I’ve got a funny point of view

I never think and act like I should

I’ve got a funny point of view

You fade into something brand new

Chorus

My gut feeling about you

My gut feeling that I blew

My gut feeling came true

I have no one and nothing but you

Instrumental

Verse 3

Time feels like an enemy

You and I are never in sync

Uncommitted to what I could’ve been

Life with you; oh, it should have been

Bridge

I’ve got a funny point of view

I never think and act like I should

I’ve got a funny point of view

All the opportunities that I threw

Chorus

My gut feeling about you

My gut feeling that I blew

My gut feeling came true

I have no one and nothing but you

Solo

Chorus

My gut feeling about you

My gut feeling that I blew

My gut feeling came true

I have no one and nothing but you

Instrumental

Verse 4

No one can understand

In my mind, things go unplanned

Like a god who has no command

I live my life in wonderland…

Thought of the Night: Brain Damage

Saturday, July 7th, 2018

“Weeks after a bad night of drinking, amongst other things, I feel like I have this sort of brain damage that has made me forget where I am. For all I know, I could still be at my desk at the office, taking a piss in my pants instead of actually standing here, letting it all go into a toilet. Sometimes, reality become this kind of convoluted dream; where there are no connections to the next event. It’s all just random shit. You could be living out a dream, or you’re dreaming of a life that’s broken and in pieces.”

The Dead Forest

Thursday, June 28th, 2018

I walk through a dark forest full of dead trees on an overcast day. I’m lost and I can’t gauge what’s around me for miles. For all I know, I could be on a small rock in outer space with only this dead forest covering its landscape. I could go around in circles; trapped forever.

It looks like it’s going to rain. It looks like the sun is going down. The trees of the forest are close to one another. You have to look up to see the gray sky. When you do, the clouds above swirl in one direction. You could tell its turbulent up there.

Twilight. The tension rises. There’s this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. There’s impending danger before the storm. Before the sun sets. There is nothing you can do in the dark.

A sound breaks the total silence. It sounded like humming. Like an angry person who exhales with tenseness. Like a faint growl.

Fearful, I run. I don’t know where I’m going. I’m just running, not looking back. Noises all around me.

Just like that, I realized that I’ve always been running away from my problems.

Manhood

Thursday, July 5th, 2018

What does it feel like? Is it feeling like you’ve accomplished something? Finishing school? I’ve done that. Making enough money? Meh. Having a wife? A kid or two? Not yet. Is it building something? A house? A cabinet? A legacy? Making it to something? Making it somewhere, like being a millionaire? Making it to 1,000 friends on Facebook? Getting to places you thought you would never get to? Have I made it to places I thought I’d never get to? Think. Think. Oh, yes. I have. A couple of times. But I want to get out from a place of anger.

Is manhood a collection of knowing things? Things that men should know how to do? What do I know? I don’t know this. I know how to mix concrete. Face a centipede. Make smart choices while shopping. I don’t know how to fix a car. I know how to change a tire though. I know how to raise a loving kitty cat (with the help from my girlfriend). I know how to write nice, tidy, and complete sentences. I have that. At least, I have that.

Is manhood about your attitude towards life? Having a sense of maturity? I sometimes have that. I could act mature when I can. I could be professional and I could accept constructive criticism to better myself. But I could lose it sometimes. A volcano is at peace for most of its life, but explodes rarely. Does social anxiety and social awkwardness hinder me from being a true man? Sometimes it does. Assertive men get what they want. I have the patience to live without I want. But I do know what I need, and I could live without my wants.

Do I really need to think about manhood? Everyone is different. Just let it go and be yourself. Let go.